Is Your Wife Living a “Secret Life”?

I recently was checking on the page I had created over a year ago, on Facebook, that web phenomenon, for a story that I did about it for a local community news paper. I set up the account, wrote the story and then, pretty much forgot about it.

Some year a half later I remembered I signed up for the site and decided to check on it. I had a few unexpected messages from some long forgotten friends. Nice. I checked out their pages and their status, and they were pretty cool. Then I realized that my wife, Jane, had a profile as well. I searched for her page….and then I saw it----and I gasped ---it was like receiving a blow straight to the solar plexus. Joan and I had been married for six years .but 4 months ago she begin listing her ‘relationship status’ on Facebook as 'single.' I subsequently went to her MySpace page, which she’d set up within the last month----and yes, she listed herself there as 'single', too. I felt instantly betrayed, hurt, cheated on, deceived and foolish. My wife, and by default myself as well, had been living a lie.

I hope that nobody else has had to learn the real condition of their ‘so-called’ relationship online, but I have a suspicion that if it has happened to me than it has happened to others. What do you do? 'Confront her,' you might say. Well I did, but she insists that she’s simply forgotten to correct them (but the fact is, I’ve reminded her almost every day for their last two months). Frankly it doesn’t seem to bother her, neither what she’s done in negating our marriage or what this lie has done to me emotionally. The only possible reason for this, I’ve determined, is because she truly does not care any longer about the relationship and considers herself outside of it.

Personal history has shown that a woman who considers herself ‘out of a relationship”, no matter what her wedding vows, or even living arrangement, should be regarded like a ticking time bomb. You’ll need to clad yourself in a heavy flack jacket if you continue to play the husband and wife game with her in light of your darling brides, “secret life”

Soon to follow will be a change in wardrobe (going for less cloth, more skin and form), late night 'shopping trips' and 'sudden laundry detours' that are so fishy they smell to high heaven: Check your computer history and you’ll see she’s probably been trolling dating sites, chat rooms and Craigslist personals. It means, guys, that your wife, your trusted helpmate has placed herself back on the selling block and is looking for a new buyer.

If your wife repeats even twice, that 'I don’t want to be with you', or 'I just don’t give a damn about anything anymore.'(My wife says this repeatedly in more than a dozen different phrase variations) My advice to you is to believe her and act accordingly. It can’t always be something said solely in anger if it constantly happens. Women can emotionally detach from a mate with lightening speed and those who do, especially while still going through the lovebird motions, are usually quite unforgiving. Try as you might, at this point, from my own experience, there is little life, love or hope left in your once sacred little union. Stick a fork in it, because this ones done.

And despite the weak excuses and empty and perfunctory displays of an affection long-forgotten, my wife insists that I’m the silly one, that it is ok to do laundry at midnight in a mini-skirt.

In the meantime, I’m logging in to all of my social networking sites…and changing my relationship status to: widower. *